Number 48: Winter 2004 /2005

	.		Get the most from the internet
						"Sometimes I do not get out of my house for weeks so the internet brings the world and my friends to me. Frankly I do not know what I would do without it."
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			Corbett O'Toole of Berkeley, California, USA, and Carrie Lucas of Denver, Colorado, USA, look at the internet from the perspective of disabled parents, and its role in providing information, resources, support and services. We all know that it is difficult to find information about parenting if you are a disabled parent. In this article, we look at the internet from the perspective of disabled parents (and people who are thinking about parenting) and quote the views of some parents we interviewed. Whether you are new to the internet or experienced, this article will give you ideas and resources. Why is the web useful? The internet is a goldmine for parents with disabilities. You can find information, resources, support and services. Information: many disabled parents use the web for information. You can find everything – from the bus schedule to supermarkets that deliver to your home. Resources: the internet is full of resources and lots of it is free (our favourite price). All parents need ideas about raising our children. Sometimes we need information about being a parent with a disability such as "How do I keep hold of my child in a crowd?" Sometimes we need information that everyone needs such as "Where are the good schools?" Support: rural isolation and emotional isolation are very real issues for many parents. If you ask any disabled parent what's their favourite thing about the internet, they'll say "the support I get". It doesn't matter whether you live in a big city or on a farm, or what kind of disability you have, we all need support as disabled parents. We all sometimes feel alone and inadequate. Disabled parents can have a hard time getting support without being judged as an incompetent parent. Many disabled parents turn to the internet to find support and advice. The internet also allows us to talk to each other – even if we live in isolated rural areas, thousands of miles from each other. Not a perfect world When you go onto the internet, you need to be aware that there may be people who want to trick you and take your money. But if you follow common-sense guidelines, you can have a safe and wonderful time online. What can the web offer? The internet is great for shopping, paying bills, finding information, locating resources and making connections to other people. Need to get information? The internet is both your best friend and your worst enemy. It's like the world's biggest library. It has everything. But unlike a library, the internet is completely disorganised. Anyone with a computer can make a website. With five billion web pages and 50 million more added every day, it can be hard to find exactly what you need to know. Planning family activities Planning travel on the internet is easy. You can find out a lot about a location, find access information, compare travel costs and even see pictures. While the websites may not always be accessible, the travel industry is one of the most customer-friendly businesses on the web. Nearly all the airline websites allow you to indicate your accessibility needs as a part of your account information. The hotels have photos that can help you make access decisions. There are websites to help you find family-oriented holidays, romantic spots or even quiet places for a retreat. There are numerous country and city websites that have access information and even a website to find a home-exchange between people with disabilities. Support The internet allows us to have friends that we may never meet in real life, yet we can share each other's ups and downs together. We can trade everything _ from tips on how to find childcare to how to handle an unfriendly teacher in a parent-teacher meeting. Sometimes there is a need to discuss adaptive parenting techniques, but trying to get your two-year-old to stop screeching is not a problem unique to disability. If you can't get to a mother's group because it is inaccessible, or you have transportation problems, or you just can't interact well due to disability bias, the internet is a good equalising force. "For some parents, the challenge begins at our front door. Some of us cannot get out of our homes very often. The internet can be a lifeline to the outside world." Breaking through physical isolation For some disabled parents, the barriers might be physical. When Corbett was searching for childcare in the pre-internet days, she had to go to each place just to find out if she could get inside with her wheelchair. Now she can use the computerised database at her local childcare referral agency to get a list of wheelchair accessible places. For some parents, the challenge begins at our front door. Some of us cannot get out of our homes very often. The internet can be a lifeline to the outside world. Far too often, the support we desperately need as parents is not available. It might be because there is no sign language interpreter or there are steps or no buses pass nearby. Whatever the reason, when we cannot physically go to a supportive place, the internet allows that support to come directly to us. Breaking through emotional isolation The internet is full of supportive environments for all our parenting interests. It has places where parents can discuss education, or share travel information, or keep us up to date on family-friendly activities, or just give us a place to hang out. While all the parents we spoke to use the internet for a wide variety of purposes, every one of them highlighted how important the internet is in providing a friendly, caring and sympathetic environment – almost like having people in your kitchen for tea. A feeling of community is a common theme among disabled parents. Many parents find that being part of a specific community, like a listserve (see shaded box), helps them to find resources and encouragement. Sometimes the support is directly related to an impairment, as is the case for Marissa. "E-mails to groups help get me through a bad day as others affected by stroke understand and help me through it." Marissa illustrates an important part of internet support – being both a giver and receiver. Too often society does not expect disabled parents to be `givers'. But in the internet world, everyone gives and takes according to their abilities and needs. "Your goal of being an effective parent is far too important to let yourself be derailed." Well worth the effort There are increasingly more resources on the internet for parents with disabilities. Yes, there can be some problems but overall the effort is worth it. Watch out for spyware (a program that tracks your internet usage and transmits personal information to internet companies) and spam, or other unwelcome stuff, and protect your computer from viruses. As Rosa points out: "Be aware that even among disabled parents, not everyone is going to respond receptively to you. Don't take it personally or stop seeking support. Just keep your intentions pure, stick to the subject and move forward. Your goal of being an effective parent is far too important to let yourself be derailed". Next: Online shopping
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