parents' experience
Labouring under the stars
Isabella with her son and daughter.
Isabella Devani, a permanent wheelchair user from Kent, UK, describes the excitement of having a second baby, labouring under the stars, and life with two young children.
As a disabled parent with one toddler, I knew that being pregnant again meant a whole new set of challenges was in store for me. It was never going to be easy with two children under four, but I was sure it wouldn’t be impossible either.
Excitement
The excitement of this new pregnancy was quickly tempered with reason and it seemed that preparation for the arrival of a new baby was a good place to start. My son had just turned two, so we had several months of fun talking together about babies. We talked about how later in the year a baby would be coming to live with us and so my son was given the chance to take a full part in the pregnancy. The 20-week scan showed the baby to be a girl and we began to call her ‘baby sister’ so that my son could feel the baby was a part of him. A phone call to the community physiotherapists also secured some much needed physiotherapy to get me back in shape before the rest of the pregnancy and the birth.
Luckily, I had stored away all of the equipment that had been used with my son in those early days – cots, cradles, rattles and clothes – and I recalled how many baby slings I tried before I found one I could use while self-propelling my wheelchair. I had kept the essential bedside cot too which meant I did not have to get out of bed in order to feed the baby in the middle of the night.
I had been ready to fight my corner and convince the statutory services of my ability to birth and then parent this second child. The pregnancy, however, went without incident and having already had one straightforward antenatal experience, there was no undue concern from the midwives or social services. In fact, I encountered the opposite reaction from the medical team and there was enough confidence for me to be offered a home birth.
Doula
For the birth, I booked a doula as I had the previous time. A doula is an employed birth partner who can provide emotional, physical and communications support during labour and beyond. This was a must because disabled mothers-to-be traditionally face multiple barriers in accessing maternity services and being offered appropriate maternity care. Things are changing, but the birth of my baby wasn’t a moment to leave things to chance. It so happens that in my region I had been part of a move to establish a maternity service specifically for disabled women. This has included accessible facilities, two midwives specialising in disability, and a disability support scheme for expectant mothers and fathers.
The birth was everything I had hoped for but I had gone into labour at eight months, too early to remain at home to give birth. However, instead of trying to call an assisted taxi during school-run time, as in my first labour, I went to hospital early in the evening and spent the rest of the labour in the hospital garden.
Under the stars
I had learned so many things after my son’s agonisingly long arrival which made this experience so much easier. This time, I remained seated in my wheelchair which meant that I was mobile right up until delivery and in a much better position for labouring. The other positive thing about my medical condition and the difficulties of disability meant that pain was no object. At this birth, as in the last, there was no need for any pain relief. Labouring under the stars in my wheelchair, amongst the flowers in the hospital garden, it was as natural a birth as anyone could hope for. It just goes to show that birth for disabled women does not need to be overly medicalised. At almost midnight, we made it up to the lift, down the corridor, through the lobby and back on to the labour ward with only five minutes before the baby was delivered.
The early weeks
Unfortunately, recovery of the mobility that I do have took a lot longer after my daughter’s arrival than when I had my first child. I needed assistance for several weeks to transfer from bed to wheelchair and back again, and the physiotherapy team that had worked so hard with me to achieve a normal delivery were saddened to be called back to find my mobility was in such a bad state. I had to rely on friends and family to look after the children and help with exercises as I slowly regained my normal level of functioning again. I did my best to focus on the future as a mother of two.
Other aspects of the early weeks with the new baby were comparatively easy. After my son’s birth, I had to wait for seven months before adequate care was put in place with the direct payment scheme, whereas this time it was already set up. Surprisingly though, I was not assessed to receive any additional help. I decided to breastfeed the baby because I knew my lack of manual dexterity would make formula feeding difficult. I also had to try three different prams until I found one that I could reach into with ease. I could now place the baby somewhere safe while she slept during the day or when I needed to look after my son. The pram also had to fit into an assisted taxi with my personal assistant (PA), my three-year-old son and me. After only two weeks, I was back at my voluntary job with the children and the PA in tow.
My son had resisted toilet training while I was pregnant so I now had two children both with nappies to change. My son sings to the baby in the highchair as I change him on my lap. Afterwards, it’s my little girl’s turn to be changed. Thank goodness the twice-used baby clothes now have poppers that are easy to undo and do up again. The one difficulty I had not foreseen was my son being woken up at night by the baby. Already a very light sleeper, when my son woke, he usually took four hours to get back to sleep again. After four long hours, I returned to bed with one child finally asleep and another just waking up and needing to be fed. Already suffering from debilitating fatigue, I made it through the autumn months in a daze.
My baby girl is an incredible 11 months old now. Too heavy for most people to hold for long, I have no problem cradling her on my lap. I wheel around my house swapping one hand to hold the baby and one to self-propel. Crawling has been made possible by my PA lifting the baby onto the floor and the baby can now stand well enough for me to lift her back up on to my lap. Starting to find her feet, the number of walking people in my household is quickly outnumbering me. My next hurdle will be organising a first birthday party and managing two children both running around the house. Watch this space!