parents' experience
Helping out in the community
“I am proud to be part of helping to make the centre accessible for all.”
Mandy Gatrick, a mother and wheelchair user from Berkshire, UK, talks to Shanta Everington about the value of getting out and about in the community, and how she has overcome challenges in accessing services to help make a difference to others.
I take my daughter Evie out every day in our wheelchair baby carrier from BIME. It’s really important for both of us to be able to get out and take part in the community.
Fiercely independent
Before I got married and became a mother, I worked full time, travelled abroad on my own and was fiercely independent. In my job as an administrator, my wheelchair wasn’t an issue. My employer saw me for what I could do, not what I couldn’t. My health went downhill after I had Evie and my doctor advised me not to go back to work. This made it even more important for me to be able to keep busy and get out and about.
I’ve been a wheelchair user, as a partial paraplegic, since I was 14. At first, I found it difficult to come to terms with being in a wheelchair and suffered depression for which I took antidepressants for a while. Because of my history, I was warned of the possibility that I might be more susceptible to postnatal depression.
“There are lots of different things going on at the centre and we have gradually become more involved.”
I did get depressed after I had Evie. I wasn’t eating, I lost a lot of weight and didn’t want to be with my daughter or my husband. I went back to the doctor who advised that I take medication again. I’ve been on medication for over a year and I am stable now. Like everyone else, I have good days and bad days.
I found out about local baby and toddler groups from my health visitor and community nursery nurse. There is a family centre just round the corner to where we live so it is very convenient. It is a joint venture between the church and local authority Sure Start. I started taking Evie to a group for 0–5-year-olds when she was three months old. At first, we just went once a week. Initially I was nervous, as I can be quite shy when meeting new people, but once I’d been a couple of times, I was fine.
Beneficial for well-being
They were very welcoming at the centre and really made me feel at home. Getting out and socialising with other parents at toddler groups has been very beneficial for my well-being, as well as my daughter’s. When I was going through the early stages of depression, a couple of the other mothers would come up and give me a hug if I was having a bad day. That really meant a lot to me and I have made some great friends. As Evie is an only child, it’s important for her to mix with other children, and taking part in the activities helps her development.
There are lots of different things going on at the centre and we have gradually become more involved. We get to the centre about nine o’clock most mornings. We go to a soft play group a couple of mornings and to a couple of other toddler groups.
Challenges and solutions
It hasn’t all been plain sailing and we have encountered the odd challenge in accessing services along the way. A physical play franchise started a weekly session at the centre and circulated a leaflet offering a free trial. I went along with Evie to check it out. I parked the BIME baby carrier in the buggy park and took Evie in on my lap.
It was reasonably busy with a lot of equipment out. I could see a couple of slides and beams that I might not have been able to get her on without assistance but also things that we could use. However, when I asked to take part in their free trial offer, I was asked to get a friend to come in and help me out. It was clear that they didn’t want us to come in without a third party.
They started talking about health and safety and suggested that I might like to come back on Saturday for their big opening event. I was taken aback as all the mothers help one another out at the groups. If we have a mother with twins, another parent would help. I knew the other parents wouldn’t mind lifting Evie onto the equipment that I couldn’t reach.
They were saying things like, “We don’t really want to exclude your child but ...” I went outside. I felt really quite upset. My friend who works on the centre reception asked if I was OK and I told her what happened. Her husband, a minister at the church, got in touch with the franchise head office and asked to see their policies. Together we are drafting a letter asking them to review their disability access. I think it is important for other disabled people who want to use the facilities.
“I was asked to join the steering group as a disabled parent, and they talked me into becoming the secretary for the soft play group!”
Making a difference
As my confidence has improved, I have become more involved in the running of the centre. I was asked to join the steering group as a disabled parent, and they talked me into becoming the secretary for the soft play group! The soft play group runs twice a week in term time and is funded by Children in Need. As secretary, I take minutes of meetings, update the paperwork and help out with fundraising.
I think it is important to have a presence as a disabled parent. I hope to be able to help other families living with disability. I see other disabled parents on our estate with older children. The centre is working towards offering something for every age range, not just for families with young children.
Access and attitudes
The centre building was a ‘new build’ and had some teething problems in the beginning. The height of the door handles in the centre were not ideal for wheelchair users and the baby changing facilities were a bit too high too. In my role on the steering group I advised on these practical issues. But, in reality access is about much more than door handles and changing tables. It is people’s attitudes that can either be enabling or disabling.
Looking back, I am so pleased that I joined the steering group. I am proud to be part of helping to make the centre accessible for all. We are working on sorting out the teething problems and there are now baby changing tables in all disabled toilets within the centre. The door handles are still an issue and are a work in progress.
Recently, I have been invited to speak to members of the church who, with the local council raised money for the new build, on how the centre has become a lifeline for me. Most people I am now friends with make the joke that I’m part of the furniture as I’m there most days! It’s surprising how much I have come to rely on the centre and all that goes on there.